What Is True Love And Happiness Really About In A Romantic Relationship?

This article first appeared on Fabrizio Fusco | Personal Health and Life Coaching | London UK - The Health and Life Coach.

“Love in a relationship doesn't exist.” How many times people have said that? You hear that again and again from people frustrated about their relationship.

Twin flames and soul mates don't exist, they say. And many of us, by now, are convinced of that.

Why We Believe That Love Is Not Real

Love is not real, that's why it's impossible to find it when you're looking for it. It's like a drug: it makes you feel good but it's addictive.

What people call love is a relationship based on possession, control and fear. They promise to love and honor each other. And often people really believe that they can maintain the promises made.

A few months pass by and the promises are shattered one after the other. Only resentment remains and they hurt each other.

Without even being aware of it love ends.

Yes, the couple may even remain together because they're afraid to be alone, afraid of judgement. But where is the flame they called love? They just possess each other: “He's mine”, “She's mine”.

That's why people think that real love doesn't exist.

Perhaps Love Does Exist

Now think about this excerpt from a story by Miguel Ruiz: The Mastery of Love. It's about two people that met and, talking about their stories, explained why they were convinced that love doesn't exist.

They kept talking day after day. What actually happened is that they created an amazing relationship. They respected each other and every little moment made them happy.

There was no envy, jealousy, control or possession. They were living their own lives without being responsible for the other part. The only reason they spent time together was because they had fun and would miss each other when they were alone.

“Maybe this is love, after all” they thought. “Maybe love does exist but it's so different from what poets or religion say, it's so different from what everyone think it is.”

You Are Responsible Of Your Own Happiness

There is a mistake that most of us make. A mistake that in the end happens even in the story above.

We think we can put our happiness in the partner's hands. Happiness never comes from outside of us. Happiness is generated from inside of us.

As soon as we make another person responsible of our happiness the relationship is doomed. In fact, no matter how much we love another person, we don't know what they have in their mind, what their expectations are, what their dreams are.

Find your happiness and keep it in your heart. Don't put it in the hands of the other. The light, the strength of that happiness will radiate and spread to the other people. And with it love as well will be generated. Because, yes, love, twin flames and soul mates do exist.

Now you may ask:“So, love is useless? A love relationship doesn't make us happy?”

But this is not the point. As Miguel Ruiz explains we expect that through a relationship we can receive something we don't have, something we lack. Inevitably we end up disappointed.

Instead, if we enter a relationship without this need, the story would be different and love could spread outside.

So, in short, you have to consider the following 5 elements to really know what is true love and happiness in a solid and lasting romantic relationship.   

1. Communication

The power of words holds tremendous amount of power. There is energy behind the words we use. Communication is fundamental…

When you can talk to the one you love for hours then you build a stronger bond, you build a better relationship because you are allowing yourself to surrender to each other. The magic of love happens that way.

2. Appreciation

Don't take people for granted. You should be able to appreciate the one you love just like the first day you met them.

Yes, because with time, people get complacent, they get lazy, they take things for granted so don't show appreciation with one another anymore.

So commit to create that spot once again, to be thankful, to desire to be with the one you love.

3. Passion

You can't buy passion. This is something that has to come from within. When you are tired, sad, disappointed, you feel like you don't want to do anything.

So, passion is generated when you are healthy within yourself, when you have lot of energy, when you are at peace with yourself.

Then your passion extends to the person you are in a relationship with allowing you to create a better relationship. 

4. Trust

We have to move past of this idea of ownership, because we don't own anybody. We should love in such a way that loved people feel free.

Once you trust each other you create a better relationship that will thrive. We have to accept each other expression of freedom. 

5. Having fun

Finally tap into your inner child. Do silly things together, laugh, smile.

It's like having a tree. You have to water it so that it doesn't wither away, so that the tree touches the sky.

Let your relationship blossom into infinity. Don't take things so seriously with each other all the time.

Love Expands From Within

It is now clear that we have to love ourselves first. Because if we are incapable of finding love in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere.

This concept doesn't apply only to romantic love. It applies to every relationship. It also applies to parenting our children. Because self-love is the root from which everything grows.

In my FREE e-book “Love your life” I explain just that: how to love yourself once again. Because everything starts within.

To learn more about how a life and health coach can help you improve your life visit Fabrizio Fusco | Personal Health and Life Coaching | London UK to find out.